#i will be fine but i hate that my brain gets like this!!! i would like to be normal in this regard

[captain039]

Conventional Alpha

Alpha!Jayce x omega!reader

Jayce version!

Warnings: AOB, light swearing, ruts, heats, older Jayce, bearded Jayce, Professor AU, age gap reader in their 20s Jayce around 30s, plus size reader, self-esteem issues, reader has chronic pain, reader is a writer, smut? Probably xD

Professor Jayce Talis, man of progress, creator of hextech along the side of his partner Viktor, and one of the top professors at the Academy, known for his skills in the forge and hextech magic and currently your alpha crush of the entire two years you’ve been at the academy. He’s everything textbook-based an alpha should be, strong, rugged, handsome, caring, passionate, protective, and you may or may not have written a few characters based on him, but…. who needs to know that? You only see him around campus, never having talked to him properly apart from a few polite greetings of acknowledgement. It’s stupid, you know to be so obsessed with a man who probably forgot you exist and would never look at an omega like you. Omega, you hate it, hate being one, you should’ve been born a beta both your parents are betas, but no, the universe screwed you over and here you stand, in the middle of a gathering against the wall invisible to everyone’s eye. You managed to outrun your parent's polite talking with other members of the council and academy, now you lean against the wall, hips and legs aching in these gods-forsaken heels with a glass of horrid champagne in your hand acting like you belong there. You figured you should be safe here for a few hours before you can go home and return to your bed. That is until a hard back runs into you and champagne goes down your front. You gasp at the sudden wetness and coldness down the front of your dress, people turn at the commotion and you want the world to swallow you up. You don’t even realise till a scent hits you that Professor Jayce Talis is the one who ran into you. You also hate that this dress is a very light cream colour.

“Oh fuck” you frown at the sudden words before you notice Professor Talis shrugging off his jacket and wrapping it around you to save your modesty.

“I’m so sorry” he says standing in front of you so nobody can see.

“It’s- fine” you manage out.

“Let’s get you out here” he says smiling sheepishly and you nod your brain not quite catching up with the situation. As you exit the party Professor Talis sighs.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even look where I was going” he says his face ridden with guilt.

“It’s fine, I was blending in with the wall, seemed it worked” you joke and see him break out into a brilliant smile before laughing.

“You were indeed blending” he says and you swear you fall in love with the sound of his laughter.

“I’m so sorry for ruining your dress” he says again his hand rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly the muscles in his arms bulging.

“It’s fine, got me out of the party anyway” You shrug a bit tightening your hold on his jacket his scent enveloping you.

“Do you stay here at the Academy?” He asks and you nod.

“Let me walk you to your room?” He offers a small smile on his face.

“It’s fine really-“You break off going to take his jacket off but he quickly keeps you covered and you flush.

“Right, uh champagne down my now see-through dress” you nod gulping a bit.

“I’ll walk you to your room” he says and you nod not daring to open your mouth as you begin walking. You curse your heels halfway through the walk and stop leaning against the wall kicking them off before bending to grab them. You feel a shoot of pain go up your spine and stifle a curse leaning against the wall before forcing yourself back up.

“Are you ok?” Professor Talis asks worried his eyebrows furrowed.

“Fine, just walking in heels isn’t fun,” you say and he nods offering a small smile before you continue walking.

“Uh, this is me,” you say once you reach your dorm room.

“Right, I’m so sorry again-“ he trails off with a frown and you tell him your name.

“Right, I’m sorry again Miss Y/n,” he says.

“I’ll go get changed and give your jacket back,” you say pulling out your key card.

“Just bring it to me tomorrow, I’ll be in my office most of the morning if you’re free,” he says as he glances down at his watch and you blink in surprise.

“Yeah, that’s fine, I’ll uh wash it for you,” you say.

“You don’t have to” he chuckles.

“It’s got champagne on it, it’s the least I can do” you offer a smile back.

“Alright, goodnight, Miss Y/n, I’m sorry again” he nods his head before walking away leaving you stunned.

You enter your dorm still in shock, you can’t help but bring the jacket to your nose and breathe in his alpha scent that’s covered on it.

“Nope, we don’t do that, that’s weird” you say to yourself shrugging his jacket off and lying it over the small couch you have in your room before going to the attached bathroom to have a shower. As you shower your mind replays the whole situation and you silently hate yourself for everything, blending in on the wall. You dry yourself and get dressed before taking his jacket and you go to your dorm's laundry.

“Do I need to wash it a special way” you mumble to yourself before shrugging and putting it in the washing machine, you put in your detergent before turning the machine on and sighing.

“There you are” you internally groan at the sound of your mother’s voice and heels clicking against the floor.

“You found me” you force a smile.

“I saw what happened with Mr Talis! Are you alright?” She fusses.

“I’m fine mum, just some spilt champagne” you shrug.

“Well, good of him to let you borrow his jacket and save some dignity you have” She smiles and nods and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. According to your mother, writing is not a proper career a ‘young omega such as yourself’ should take, no you should be preparing for being a stay-at-home wife with ten million children running around in a white picket fence.

“Right well, I must head back to the party I see you’re not going to return” She eyes your PJs.

“No Mother I’m not going to return” she nods curtly.

“Well, goodnight,” she says.

“Night mum” you mutter as she walks away the click in her heels echoing the halls. You run a hand down your face and sigh glancing at the timer on the washing machine before heading back to your dorm. You set a timer and lie down in your bed sighing in relief at the tension easing off your hips and legs. You grab a book from your bedside table and begin reading.

You must dosed off because the timer scares the hell out of you and your book flies to the ground with a thud. You groan and stand up slowly picking your book up and putting it on the bedside table before heading to the laundry again. You pray no one’s there, your current resting groggy bitch face is not a pleasing sight. You take out Professor Talis’s jacket and put it in the dryer a yawn leaving your lips before you head back to your dorm once more.

[cosmiclily]

.ᐟ track two: just doin’ to waste more time on the couch

wc: 1.7k

Today was like every other Friday night. I had just gotten back from my evening class, exhausted, and as I walked into our apartment, the familiar sight of Vi greeted me. She was sprawled on the couch, her arms draped casually over the back, looking entirely too comfortable.

“Thought you’d be out by now,” I said, locking the door behind me and slipping off my shoes. “Didn’t you have a party or something?”

“Trying to get rid of me already?” she teased, stretching her arms above her head before sitting up straight, her eyes flickering back to her phone. “I was supposed to go to some girl’s house, but she canceled. Something about her parents being in town.”

“Who is the unfortunate soul of the week?” I ask lightly, masking the bitterness that threatened to creep into my voice. Like I wanted to know her latest fling, like knowing who she was fucking didn’t make me want throw myself off our balcony.

“Just some girl from one of my classes,” she said with a shrug. “She’s in a sorority. Was trying to get us into one of their parties.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse for your hookups,” I shot back as I headed into the kitchen. “You know I hate parties.” I opened the fridge, looking for something quick and easy to make. Today’s lecture had been brutal—our ancient professor talking on and on about the anatomy of the human brain in a voice so soft and slow it could have put a hyperactive toddler to sleep. “Do you want anything specific for dinner? I’m starving and just survived a lecture from hell.”

“I’m not using you as an excuse for my hookups,” Vi said, leaning her elbows on the counter, her grin wide and infuriating. “I just think you should live a little, you know? What are your college years for if not to get drunk and regret it later?”

I raised an eyebrow at her, unimpressed. “You seriously think that’s a good argument?”

She laughed, the sound warm and effortless. “I’m just saying. You’re too uptight sometimes.” Her eyes softened a little. “But hey, if you’re tired, how about I cook?”

I blinked. “You? Cook? The person who once burnt noodles?”

Vi put a hand to her chest, feigning offense. “Hey! That was only one time! You have no faith in me.”

“None,” I deadpanned, though my lips quirked up in a small smile.

“Well, fine,” she said, crossing her arms and leaning back against the counter. Her white tank top drawing attention to her toned biceps, and I could see the faint outline of her nipple piercings through the fabric. My stomach twisted in a way that had nothing to do with hunger. God, I hated her so much.

“How about this?” she said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “We order pizza. That way, no one has to suffer my cooking or your exhaustion.”

“Pizza sounds good,” I agreed.

Vi grabbed her phone and started scrolling. “Pepperoni and extra cheese, right? Or do you want to try something new?”

I glanced at her, my heart doing that stupid thing where it skipped a beat when she smiled. “Pepperoni’s fine” I said, my voice steadier than I felt.

She placed the order, and as she leaned back against the counter again, I caught her watching me out of the corner of her eye. “You’re really not gonna come to a party with me, huh?”

I shook my head, smirking. “Probably not.”

Vi sighed dramatically. “One day, I’ll drag you out of this apartment and into the real world. Just you wait.”

“Good luck with that,” I said, rolling my eyes, though deep down, a small part of me wished I could be the person she thought I should be—the person who wasn’t terrified of being too close to her, of losing what little I had.

After the pizza arrived, we settled onto the couch and started watching a movie. As we ate, I couldn’t help but think about our sleepovers when we were younger. My mom would make popcorn and order pizza, and we’d wait for her to fall asleep so we could watch horror movies behind her back. We’d stay up until sunrise, too scared to sleep, even though Violet would never admit she was scared. She’d always say, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you if the demon from the movie comes after us,” as if her words could somehow make us invincible.

I smiled at the thought, the memory of us together on the couch, our eyes wide with fear but not daring to show it. Things had changed since then, but in some ways, they hadn’t. It was comforting, like we were still those two kids who shared everything.

Vi’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “I know you just said you wouldn’t go to a party with me, but there’s one tomorrow, and since you don’t like going out with me cause I “always leave you alone”, I invited Jinx and Ekko. I figured I’d make it a group thing. Besides, They can keep you company if you’re too miserable to have fun.”

I didn’t exactly hate going out with her. It wasn’t that. It was just... well, the thought of her hooking up with someone at a party, the thought of her being all over someone else while I watched from the sidelines, made my stomach turn. I knew she didn’t owe me anything, that she was free to do whatever she wanted, but that didn’t mean I had to subject myself to watching it. I’d rather avoid the heartache if I could.

I took a slow breath as i picked the crust from the discarded pizza box and said, “I don’t know, Vi. You know how I feel about those things.”

Vi rolled her eyes, clearly trying to be playful, but I could tell there was a hint of concern behind her teasing. “You act like I’m going to drag you into some wild hookup situation. It’s just a party. Come on, you need to have a little fun.”

I hesitated, the conflict swirling inside me. I didn’t want to go and watch her with someone else, but I didn’t want to say no either, not to her. Not when she was asking.

“I’ll think about it,” I finally said, hoping it was enough of an answer to let her drop the subject for the night.

She looked at me, her blue eyes flickering with something I couldn’t quite place. “Fine, but you owe me.”

I laughed, but it felt a little hollow. “Yeah, sure. I’ll owe you one.”

As we settled in to watch one last movie, my mind kept drifting to the same thought over and over: how I was letting my feelings get in the way of living my life. I never regretted meeting Violet or becoming her friend, but I did regret being stupid enough to catch feelings for the only friend I had. Stupid enough to let those feelings dictate my actions, my choices, my entire life. The truth was, I was angry at myself. I’d never been a party girl or a social butterfly, and the idea of getting drunk and accidentally confessing my feelings to Vi—or doing something even worse—made my chest tighten with panic.

I glanced over at her, and for a moment, the weight of everything seemed to fade. She had drifted to sleep, her head resting against the armrest, her lips parted just slightly. I couldn’t help but observe her, taking in every little detail: the freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose, how they dotted her cheeks, the long lashes framing her closed eyes, the scar on her lip. I thought about how much I wanted to trace it with my finger, to just touch her and see if that would make the feelings go away. She looked so peaceful and delicate, the complete opposite of what she showed on a daily bases. It felt almost criminal how beautiful she was.

I shook my head at myself, letting out a quiet sigh. What is wrong with you?

I nudged her shoulder lightly. “Vi, wake up. You need to go to your bed,” I whispered, trying not to disturb her too much.

She groaned, her brows knitting together, the sleepiness evident on her face. “No, wanna sleep here…” she mumbled, tugging at my sleeve like a child reluctant to leave the warmth of comfort.

I sighed, trying to hold back a smile at how cute she looked. “You’ll have a backache tomorrow if you keep sleeping like that” I said softly.

“Worth it” she muttered, settling deeper into her position, clearly not planning on getting up anytime soon.

I couldn’t help but laugh under my breath, watching her stubbornly try to get more comfortable. Part of me just wanted to let her stay there, to keep her close, but I knew she needed to sleep properly if she wanted to avoid a sore back the next day.

“Come on, Vi,” I said gently, nudging her again. “If you go to sleep in your own bed, I’ll go to that party with you.”

That seemed to catch her attention. She opened one eye, peeking at me with suspicion. “Are you serious?” she asked, her voice still thick with sleep.

I nodded reluctantly, unsure if I was making the right choice. She sat up slowly and raised her pinky toward me —just like we used to do when we were kids.

“Pinky promise?” she asked suspiciously.

“Yes, pinky promise,” I replied, matching the smile that had formed on her face as I interlocked our pinkies together.

“Okay, now I will go to sleep,” she said with a satisfied grin, as if she had won a battle, before stumbling off toward her room.

I watched her go, feeling a strange mix of relief and discomfort. I had agreed to go to the party with her, but now that it was settled, I couldn’t shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach.

As I took my shower and settled into bed for the night, my mind wouldn’t stop racing. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything. “What am I doing with my life?” I asked myself, the question echoing in my head, unanswered.

Maybe going to the party wouldn’t be such a big deal. Maybe it would give me a chance to breathe, to live a little outside the confines of my own thoughts. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t that simple. It never was when it came to Vi.

──────────────────────

album - track one - track three

notes: i’ll probably take a while to update bc i only had these two chapters ready, but i’ll try my best to not take too long lol

what are your thoughts so far? do you think something will happen at the party? 🥸

[twoidiotwriters1]

Chapter 10. Lilacs

Summary: Lately, you seek his approval and he finds himself disliking it, it's more fun when you only seek to amuse yourself.  Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Words: 2,174 Listen to: 'Too Sweet' -by Hozier A/N: I love parallels my beloved -Danny

This author can't say for certain if an artist is better company than the crown, but there must be at least some level of mutual fondness.

Lady Whistledown, October 1815

Dear Diary,

Knowing I should nourish the friendship does nothing but make my lust grow claws and teeth, and each day spent in his company yet lacking his advances makes my soul wither, much like the flowers I press between your pages. 

To have my thoughts held by your spine is no longer enough. I need Benedict to hold me as well, like I feel so very clearly when I sleep.

"You bought a house?"

"Yes."

"Whatever for?"

Benedict stares at you with amusement. "To live in, of course. Just because you sleep out in the open doesn't mean we all enjoy grass, critter."

"Oh please, what you saw that day was a slip of manners caused by jitters. Why would you buy a house when you could rent one?"

"I can do whatever changes I please," he reasons, "I'm not very good at following rules. Better to have my own place and answer to no one."

You hum, appreciating his desire for freedom where society could not meddle. "I suppose congratulations are in order. Will you be hosting a dinner or will I have to invite myself into your home?"

Benedict reigns in the lewd thoughts your wording brings, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly. "Wouldn't that be too mundane of an activity for a Princess?"

"You forget how much I love the mundane," you retort, shading the lilacs you're working on with utter gentleness.

"No, I do not," he says. "But being an introvert does not make you a fan of dull evenings, does it?"

"An evening with you is far from dull," you appease sweetly.

Benedict chuckles. "You do realize that if I host I wouldn't be able to entertain you? You'd be on your own. I doubt your sister would like to waste her evening in the affair."

"You underestimate the allure of the situation. Besides, you're my friend, not a monkey I bought to amuse me, I can survive without your attention for one evening."

The man tilts his head playfully, feeling ten times taller. "Whatever did I do to be considered alluring?"

"The list would be shorter if I went over the things that annoy me," you brush off. "But if you think I'm not ready to face this frigid society..."

Benedict scoffs out a laugh. "Such harsh words from someone who claims to love London!"

"I love it! I love the architecture and its fashion—but I detest your old-fashioned culture. Why on earth am I not allowed to wear my trousers?" You gesture at your legs. "It's not like men don't know what's under the skirts! And children care more about the sweets I keep in my purse than of my body shape."

Benedict laughs, one hand holding his stomach. "Of course, it is well-known what's beneath your garments, and what we hate the most is to have a more defined view of your figure knowing we can't have it! If we can't have fun, neither can you."

"That's hardly my problem, is it? In Genovia, people who harass strangers get fined, and if they get physical, they pay double and get locked up for the number of times the victim asked them to go away."

"Each equals to a day?"

"A month," you declare with sanctimonious air. "The number of offenders decreased since the law was created."

"Your country is Eden to progressive folk," he concedes. "Such a pitty the heir struggles with talking to large crowds."

You glare at him, tossing a tiny piece of chalk at his head. "I suppose that having all this freedom makes it daunting to take the first step," you eye your drawing, struggling to figure out the proportion. "Organized spaces make my brain go at a proper pace. I thrive in order, so I shall make a grand queen one day."

Benedict stares at your drawing, reaching to correct some things with his chalk, his movements fluid. "So your prudish conduct is only sustained thanks to the lack of steps to follow when it comes to misbehaving?"

"I'm not prudish!" You redden. "And that's not what I was saying, either."

"But if I gave you a list," he says, trying to conceal his amusement, "would you be tempted?"

"Can we go back to the lesson, please?" You ask flustered.

"Now we care about the lessons," he teases you. "I suppose I should stick to it. After all, you were so careful to make it so you didn't have to go around exploring new things."

"Enough!" You snap. "You think I'm cowardly, but I'm more scared of being Queen and failing my people than I am of being caught sneaking out of the castle—so test me if you want, we can bet on it!"

Benedict hesitates, unfamiliar with your temper. "I'm only teasing."

"Let's bet," you press stubbornly.

"That is beneath you," he resists.

"Benedict."

The young man leans back and studies you with mild annoyance, he doesn't think you're a coward, but admitting that out loud would bother him more than letting you believe the opposite. Lately, you seek his approval and he finds himself disliking it, it's more fun when you only seek to amuse yourself. 

Benedict tries to come up with something that you'll say no to, better if it makes you think he's a bit of a cad so you go back to not caring about his opinion. "How about a visit to the Academy of Arts?"

You frown, finding his challenge boring. "That's��"

"At night, just the two of us." He finishes. "Some students stay and experiment with art and... other things. You may find women in trousers—or a gentlemen in skirts, if you arrive at the right hour."

The opportunity you've been craving has been given to you on a silver platter... and you're paralyzed in terror at the prospect. His gaze holds untold memories, he's lived things that would make the catholic guilt of thirty very regretful nuns take possession of your juvenile body.

Marie was right, you don't need to know what kind of lover he is to know your experience isn't enough for what he could do to you. Nevertheless, your longing to feel him squeeze you with his bare hands makes you cave like a house of cards, and before you can think it through, you speak. "I accept."

"You—you do?" He stammers.

"You can wait for me five minutes away from the castle's main entrance," you say as collected as possible. "How late is it late enough? Eleven? Midnight?"

"Eleven, but—"

"When?"

"Your Royal Highness, are you—"

"I say what I mean. Yes. When are we going?"

He swallows thickly, unable to take it back. "Thursday?"

"Thursday—eleven. Bring a carriage." 

You offer to shake his hand. Benedict has never seen anything more enchanting than you right, with your brow furrowed in determination and the devastatingly loose material of your shirt resting on your collarbone, he wants to pull it downward just an inch and find out if your voice goes higher or lower when you're kissed there.

He shakes your hand, squeezing a bit more than he should. "And if you don't show?"

You smile. "I'll show up, Benedict. What if you don't?"

Benedict pulls his hand away, closing it in a fist and rubbing his thumb over the patch of skin where your warmth remains. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

You sit with the Queen and your sister while watching the Eros and Psyche dancers, tapping your foot impatiently as you sneak glances at the box on the far right, where Benedict is dutifully chaperoning his sisters Eloise and Francesca. 

Marie presses a hand on your knee. "I can feel you moving, you're distracting me."

"Sorry," you mumble. "I'm bored."

"You love plays," she rebukes, eyeing you with irritation. "What has you so..." As she speaks, understanding dawns upon her and she looks around, quickly finding the reason for your impatience. "Oh..."

"I'm fine," you blush.

Marie holds back a grin. "Right. Why didn't you ask your gentleman to join us? You could've spent the hour giggling with each other and mocking the dancers."

"Neither of us would've done that. He's an artist, and I enjoy a well-told story," you argue with apprehension. "Besides... I did ask." You make a face. "He's escorting his sisters."

"Oh no," Marie pouts mockingly. 

"I said I'm fine."

"He's looking at you."

You turn so fast only to discover he's focused on the play. You look back at your sister with a murderous gaze and step on her foot, accidentally tearing a bit of your skirt in the process. "Oh, bollocks..."

"Y/N!" Marie hisses. "Oh, you—"

"Is the play not to your liking?" The Queen turns her attention to you, slightly vexed by the noise you're making. 

"No, heavens no, Your Highness," you blush. "We—We are..."

"We were just talking about it, in fact," Marie turns to the Queen charmingly. "About the story."

"What about it?" The Queen questions with impatient curiosity.

"I just... think Psyche was rather silly," you say clumsily.

"Do you know, Your Highness, my sister thinks love is silly," your sister comments in a conspiratory whisper.

"Marie!" You chastise her. "I don't think love is silly—but in this story in particular I just think she was silly to believe her sisters. Whether he was a monster in disguise or not, wasn't of any relevance, was it? She had her needs met, Eros satisfied her, whatever he was. What was the point of digging deeper?"

"You are a woman dedicated to the arts, are you not, Princess Y/N?" The Queen comments, with a sort of motherly air. "Isn't it the point of it, to dig deeper into what we find pleasant?"

"Indeed, but Eros was quite clear in his instructions—"

"Yes, but she was restless," her sister interrupts her, "precisely because she liked him so. No one who falls in love can sit still and ignorant of their lover."

"Hmph," Your heart quickens with guilt, not liking that your sister seems wiser on the subject. "I'm not sure it's worth risking life as you know it."

The Queen returns her attention to the play and you take the opportunity to glance back at the Bridgerton's box, happy to spot Benedict already looking back. He nods in acknowledgement, and you nod back.

As you take a stroll around the ballroom, an elderly couple stands in your way and you politely stop to greet them.

"Did you enjoy the ballet, Mr Bridgerton?"

"Very much," he says with total sobriety, an expression that feels completely out of place within his features. "So much so I wonder if I may have missed my calling... as a dancer." He pouts mockingly and nods with faux pity. 

The elderly couple laughs at his charming display and his face splits into a crooked grin, and you take a weird amount of pride at the way he succeeds so effortlessly. "I must say, I do not know that the male dancer needed to be in such a state of undress."

"He certainly could have put on a shirt."

Benedict prepares to play along and pretend he's equally as aggravated but you speak up, itching to enlighten the elderly couple. "He's playing Eros—he's a representation of erotism. It is part of his characterization, and using his skin to represent the wings instead of having him manoeuvre with a costume was smart. The way ballet dancers dress is meant to better their performance, when telling a story you cannot mind etiquette if its boldness serves a purpose."

The old lady reconsiders. "I can't say I fully understand what you mean..."

"I do," Benedict says with a special twinkle in his eyes. "And I agree."

The old man huffs out a chuckle. "No wonder you've taken Mr Bridgerton under your wing, Your Royal Highness, you clearly have a deeper knowledge of the arts that needs an equally well-versed mind to discuss it."

They excuse themselves as they see another pair of acquaintances and you look at Benedict with a playful air. "Is it comfortable, under my wing?"

Benedict rolls his eyes, shaking his head a little. "Please."

"What?" Your smile widens. "Is something the matter, my equally well-versed mind?"

He laughs, lowering his face to hide the sound from other guests. "All is well, my bohemian princess."

"I'm far from bohemian," you admit, dropping the teasing. "I couldn't possibly live that way, not with my routines and aspirations."

"And I cannot picture a life without the thrill of disruption," Benedict replies lightheartedly.

You look at each other with equal amounts of fondness and irony. "How come we get along?"

"Have I ever said that?" He narrows his eyes in playful confusion. You elbow him, and Benedict takes it in stride; otherwise, you would've struck a servant's platter.

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

@babypink224221 @Booknerdlife @djsporks @lght-roastcoffee @marii-ren @mythical-goth @omgsuperstarg @creepytoes88 @sarahskywalker-amidala @23victoria @shadowolf993 @squirreljoe @syxtiramishuui @stargirl-mayaa @dolllol2405 @aemondslove @inspiringwaves @optimisticsandwichgladiator @alloof @sydney-m @sirivusblack @mimibookish @marvelouslyme96 @imaginexred @black-kitten-imagines

[gothsuguru]

Every time I remember that the most popular jjk ship is gojo x yuji it disturbs me…

it makes me wanna run people over w a truck like i genuinely don’t understand and you caught me at a time where i feel like ranting so please excuse me but like . i get sooooooo annoyed when people say they’re proship like??? i personally don’t conflate proship & dark content together bc i feel like some people who say they’re proshippers do it in an anti-censorship way which is so ??? like most aren’t for censorship like people are fine w dark content like including murder or stuff of that nature but at least w people around me when we say we hate proship it’s the pedophilia stuff… and from that… why would you EVER wanna align yourself w pedophiles/people who are fine with pedophilia??? it makes no sense to me. some people are just SOOOOOOO obsessed w making everything sexual like nothing is safe. not even the IDEA of children!!!!!! pisses me the FUCK off!!!!!! just ship the adults w the adults there’s a hundred adults why the FUCK does your dumbass want to see that adult rape a child. makes me so fucking pissed off beyond belief. it’s also like…….. why does it make Y’ALL pissed off when people say it’s gross/that it’s fucked up 😭 like if you say you agree and you don’t condone this shit IRL then don’t be mad when people call it out. be glad people will call this shit out when you won’t lmfao

[trainerethan]

I see in my mind's eyes green and red having some conflict early on because red really likes physical closeness and touch but green has a lot of compulsions/intrusive thoughts about being clean/cross contamination. Which unfortunately are usually a little valid when it comes to red considering reds complete lack of concern for those things. At least as children.

[bonestrouslingbones]

also i hate to admit it and i swear i DO understand the importance of them but fellas i fear i may be steadily morphing into a humanities hater

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[nonsensechemicals]

crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It

[bookinit02]

literally what a day i am still shaking

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

[unexpectedbrickattack]

Hi. New ✨Pinned Post✨

• MINORS. DO NOT MESSAGE ME. NO DMS. NO INBOX MESSAGES. NO. I am not checking my activity and Every note to see if minors are interacting w my stuff but i WILL check if u directly try to contact me. I WILL block you. Please dont do that to me 😭 Likes/Reblogs are fine, just dont talk to me Directly please.

• This blog will have ns//fw stuff! Suggestive and Explicit! Please block [spicy hot], [suggestive] and [saucy] to avoid seeing these posts! Make sure to remove the brackets! (Gonna be changing [spicy hot] to [saucy] very soon so I am adding that in there as well)

• No, I do not want you to dub any of my art. Oh my god. Oh my god ! I cannot stop you but I do not want anything ive done dubbed and placed anywhere on the internet. Do not show me if u do this. Do not show me if u saw it on youtube or tiktok or whatever! I am existing with Blinders on and i would prefer to keep it that way!

• I dont rp! Please do not send me rp asks and dms ! I will NOT respond to them!

• Not important but if u see Dissociativekitten in ur activity, thats me :)

OKAY thats it for real bye

[nerdie-faerie]

Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart

[pinkhysteria]

jag leaving cory a sweet goodbye message and tearing up over his eviction is the sappy ending i wanted from the inevitable cory vs. jag war regardless of who took the shot first, so i will be taking that one win tonight.

[secondpersonpoetry]

hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!

frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that. 

i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.

but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.

the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”.  like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends. 

best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?

maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway. 

one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?

or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!

and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something! 

i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!

dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.

all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.

anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..

lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂‍↕️

thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333

what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here

first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)

no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?

HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.

i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.

OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY

🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives

p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕

[leftoversludge]

argggghhhhhhhuuuhhhhhhhggghhhh

[trekkiehood]

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